I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
