I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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