I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize