I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
