Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
