I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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