I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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