Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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