First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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