If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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