I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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