you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
