fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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