I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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