I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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