if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
