apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
