I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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