I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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