before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
