Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
