Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And then he peed in my hair
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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