Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
