she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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