why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
