So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
