Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
