Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
