Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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