before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
