i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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