I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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