if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
