I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
