I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Boobs speak an international language.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
