Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
