I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
