WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
