im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
