Michael Bay diarrhea
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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