I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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