i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
