The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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