i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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