I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
