ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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