he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
