i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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