honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
