you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cannot find my penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
