Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
