I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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