i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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