Someone shit on the floor
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
