sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
