Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
