Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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