Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
