i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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