What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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