totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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