i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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