I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
