my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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