There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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