He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
