I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
