she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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